The things i have seen in this life are at times too much to fathom. Life has shown me fire and ice in equal proportions and the end result is that in most instances i took with me a lesson; i should always mind my own business.
So it’s a Saturday morning. I am not working. The mama who does my laundry every weekend called in sick which worked for me coz i was broke….i had no intention of parting with 250 bob that weekend. So i decided to do my laundry after soaking them in a bucket all night (i cannot explain the science behind doing this).
As am busy anikaing my laundry (i anikad the boxers someplace i won’t tell you….and no, it’s not under the bed!!), my neighbours kid, a tiny cute girl who should be in kindergarten if am not wrong comes by and stands just near me, silently, as if she is plotting something sinister…..
Kids her age plot some really weird stuff in their tiny heads; i know this as a fact.
I pick my brown corduroy pants, squeeze some soapy water out and hang them with the waist downwards. I clipped the top with 2 pegs.
You should see the way veins protrude in my arms and neck while i wring my clothes.
She stares on, chewing on a wrapper; i guess it must have held a queen cake earlier.
I do the same to a beige shirt; look at her, she looks back at me….no words spoken. I think she is cute; i would be a very proud dad if i had such a well mannered daughter.
Then came the socks, mine have a hole where the big daddy toe is supposed to be…i have no idea how it got torn but i guess it’s a masculine thing to have a sock with a pothole…it is, right?
She gave the socks a weird look, made a funny twisted face, put her tiny hands on her waist and looked at me directly, the way my kindergarten teacher would look at me every time i lifted Caroline’s skirt (see what i did there)…
“Yes ka mummy!” i put on that smile specially formulated for kids.
“Mi siitwi Ka mummy!” she protested. This means war…i put down my bucket…..
“okeyyyy…..what’s you name then?” feigning all the concern i could master.
“My name is Michelle…..” she smiled revealing a gap which should have been occupied by 2 tiny teeth. “Am in KG2.”
I laughed kiasi, well, giggled like a boy who just reached puberty, “ And me am in KG3!”
“Liar!” she laughed it out, “wewe ni watchman na watchman hawakuenda shule!”
That’s a direct hit under the belt. How would she even think i was a watchie?
“Why didn’t you go to school today, Michelle?” i regretted asking that as i braced myself for a shocking reply.
“Today is Saturday and Saturday we don’t go to school.” I looked dumb. No wonder she thought i was a watchie!
“Sawa Michelle, bye bye, look you!” i was waving as if she was boarding a plane to wherever.
She smiled again, then her gaze fell on my dripping laundry and pot holed sock.
“Yes ka…..(quickly correcting myself) Michelle!” i didn’t want to be blasted by this kindergarten drama queen again.
“Nikuulizeeeeee,” twisting the queen cake wrapper in her mouth, “hizi nguo ni safi?”
“Eeeh,” i stole a quick glance to my accused laundry, “i washed them with Ariel….mwosho moja tu!!” trying my best to act like a funny clown…..i thought kids love clowns….. Not this Michelle kid!
“Kwani socks zimekulwa na panya?” goodness, little miss drama queen had a lot of nerve i tell you.
I thought she was joking at first but the serious, professional look she had on her face said it all, she looked like that fixer lady on Scandal, Olivia.
Now look what she made me do……the whole post is about her. I will have to tell you about the demonstration act in the next post, you are gonna love it i swear.
Please note: in case you are not familiar with the exotic Swahili language, kindly comment below so i can translate the words for you.