TANYAI O’ BEAST.


Wansa pon a time, as my dear girl Caroline (my childhood sweery) would say, in a place cold as eish; a javelin’s throw from the foot of Mt Kenya, there was a boy school called Nyeri High. In the boy school thrived a creature, a beast of sorts. This beast neither had claws nor scary red eyes. It lacked the fearsome, long canines and fur which in most cases are a signature in all beasts. This beast had none of that, but it was a beast nonetheless.

Just in case you are thinking that this is the kind of giant and ogre stories your granny used to narrate to you while you were huddled around in a mud hut roasting maize, you are wrong. This is a digital story based on real life events.

Meet Tanyai O’ Beast; half man, half boy (i mean, he was just a mean dude in fourth form), a beast born and raised feeding on arrow roots and wild berries and grasshoppers and only Nyeri knows what else! The title, Tanyai O’ Beast was proudly marked at the bottom his light blue school shirt and his rusty box placed on top of a shelve in cave of a dormitory called Ndovu.

The dormitory in my opinion and observation was called Ndovu because things were elephant here. It was the only dorm where school boys had beards like grown up men!

FYI it was in the shower cubicles of Ndovu that i first saw a man’s ass…i mean, like a guy was taking a shower in an open cubicle and i was checking into the sanitation block to pee…..the piss pigad a U turn back into the bladder. I will tell you about this later.

Boy, this Tanyai was bad news, ask anyone who did time in Nyeri high in 1997 and they will attest to this. It’s on the 27th page of google if you want to check.

Murigu was another character who was also bad as eish. He was the school soccer team goalkeeper; 78.7% of the times i saw Murigu he was always muddy as a result of jumping for the ball and sliding as he acted as the last line of defence on the soccer pitch. I don’t think anyone ever scored past him, dude had a very terrible temper on and off the pitch.

In another life Murigu would have been a rebel leader!

His victims usually succumbed to nasty injuries and ended up on the bench at the school dispensary with a weirdo of a Doctor, Wagondu was his name i believe!

So if you think that Didier Drogba is dramatic on the field, think twice, Murigu was there before him in ’97! But hey, this is not a story about Murigu, it’s about Tanyai O’ Beast.

Oh, where are my manners? If i start telling you about Tanyai right now you will get lost in terminologies and i will keep repeating myself and jumping to other stories which will not be fair. My grandmother taught me better narration so i will start from the very beginning.

When i completed Standard 8 and sat for the KCPE i felt like i was on top of the world. It was an exhilarating feeling knowing that in a few months i would be rolling with the big boys in high school, that part of my uniform would be a pair of trousers and i would be spending an entire 3 months away from home.

It was a great feeling. I felt like a man!

Of course my entire family was thrilled that i had been admitted to Nyeri High, which by far was among the best Provincial boy schools in the province. It’s usually a time, i guess for most people i know, when you have that gut feeling that you are taking substantial steps towards achieving your goals. I felt the same; i knew i wanted to be a writer or something in the print media industry.

Ok, don’t query me as to what i am right now; but since you are reading my blog i don’t think the apple fell far from Newton’s head!

Everyone in my family had attended boarding school with the exception of my uncle whom i told you about in Jungle, the –le is O! They used to tell me exciting stories about being in boarding, having pocket money, meeting girls (my heart skipped a beat here), and about something called mole concept in form 3.

Mole concept freaked me out even before i set foot in Nyeri High, i scored a tranquil D (Dignity?) in my Chemistry KCSE paper. Well, it’s not like i expected any better than that! I had a straight A in English; any less and i would have jumped to my death from the 13th floor of the Empire state building!

Another thing that really freaked me out were the horrible stories of first formers being monolized. I was quite a tiny fellow and the thought of being harassed did not sit well with me. Jungle, my uncle helped me memorise a few answers a ‘mono’ is supposed to give during interrogation, which as he said would be inevitable!

Oh goodness, and the ‘removing cobwebs’ thing was like terrible; a guy runs his hand (which he probably did not wash after visiting the loo) down your face as you are busy explaining what a ‘mono’ is and always, almost always finds your mouth open, and brushes down the lips……disgusting!

Am hungry, i will finish the story of the beast tomorrow…….i will tell you how i ended up being his ‘mono’……ta ta tada!!

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One thought on “TANYAI O’ BEAST.

  1. Pingback: Kavau and the bad boys of Yore. | Akhy Mjanja

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