Up to date i have watched the movie 3 Idiots thrice. The third was last night and truth be told, some of the kind actions that Rancho does, like being there for Raju after dropping his paralyzed father in hospital in a scooter, pending an exam the following day are enough to bring tears to your eyes.
But men don’t cry, do they? Do we?
Ok, Raju cries coz Rancho just saved his father’s life. At some point, Farhan also cries as he tries to explain to his father why he is dropping out of final year in engineering to pursue his passion, wildlife photography.
Rancho sheds tears when Raju nailed the job after recovering from that almost fatal jump from the Director’s office. And considering how much Rancho had been there for him throughout his recovery it must have been emotional seeing Raju so happy in a wheelchair after a productive job interview.
Oh, and Chatur cries after Rancho embarrasses him by altering the words in his Teacher’s Day speech from ‘served’ to ‘screwed’which ultimately makes him, Chatur, look like a humpty dumpty kinda jackass!
In my life i have seen very few men cry. Women do cry over anything, but men are a different ball game altogether. I believe very few things would make a man cry.
The loss of a mother would definitely make any man cry regardless of his age. Loss of a child too, case scenario the Zionist attacks on Gaza; grown men are shedding real tears seeing their kids and spouses get blown apart by Israeli rockets. In this case, a man would cry more out of desperation than pain coz he has no means whatsoever to ensure his family’s safety.
Am not sure a man would cry after getting fired. Well, he would probably drink himself senseless and publicise his dilemma to all and sundry but he wouldn’t cry. Tears of a drunk do not count!
Another thing that is sure to make men cry is a problematic wife/marriage. You see, marriage is supposed to be the one thing that either husband or wife seeks solace in when the entire world stands against them. In the comfort and secrecy of their bedroom walls a husband will breakdown on the shoulders of his wife, the keeper of his secrets.
An elderly friend once told me that if a marriage is sound and strong, no matter how much the world batters you out there, you will always have a place to hide and be loved and cuddled. You will always have your spouse by your side even if everyone else seems to be against you.
Now, when the marriage becomes the direct opposite, nothing else gives you happiness. You may have all the millions in the world, drive the coolest cars but if your marriage is eish then all this bears no sense. Fine, a man may drown his worries in the bosom of other (mostly) younger women but you see the thing he is still trying to get is that seemingly elusive happiness in a companion.
During this past Ramadan, a friend of mine approached me, and i could tell something was wrong coz he is not one to be quiet and gloomy. I chanced upon him near GPO, Digo road Mombasa while heading to Makadara Grounds for some event. He offered to accompany me.
Seated at the dome situated at the centre of the grounds, he confided in me that things haven’t been really working out for him since we last met, about 2 weeks back. His wife had left him and his 7 month baby behind; she had gone back to her parent’s home.
I wanted to venture a comment, register my surprise, exclaim a wow….but i chose to be silent, to let things be, let nature do its thing and emotions flow out without my having to solicit for such.
He pushed his specs up a bit, bent his head down and covered his eyes slightly with the thumb and index finger. I could tell an emotional battle was raging inside him; I almost reached out to pat his back, or put a firm hand on his shoulder and tell him all would be well.
But what if i did that and instead of getting just a manly nod with clenched jaws revealing a masculine steely determination i opened the valve to his reservoir of tears, and he started crying, what would i do?
Ok, he is my friend, but hugging a crying man in public is ridiculous. Manly tears are not to be shed in public. A man would rather cry a river in private and even if the public sees his red, teary, probably swollen eyes they would understand, as opposed to see him doing so in public.
The only man who the Kenyan public has given permission to cry without notice in public is DP William Ruto. He did it in Church right after UHURUTO won the elections and it was a sorry sight with his wife standing by side, consoling him, trying hard to cry like he was but the tears just weren’t coming…..i found it quite hilarious.
But what i think is that in as much as it’s normal for men to cry, our tears are better off shed in private coz the entire Milky Way expects or rather demands that we be strong. Yes, they say shedding a tear is never a show of weakness but i know seeing a man cry really does change the way people look at him.
I would rather much prefer people thinking that my heart is made of stone coz i don’t cry in public other than the expectation that i would shed tears at the slightest emotional provocation…like winning The Best Upcoming writer’s award!!