I Don’t Love you anymore!


There she was, a sorry sight drowning in a desperate puddle of her tears. If only her bruised emotions would whip up the tears into a frenzy of mighty waves which would swallow her completely, perhaps then she would feel less and less like more and more. Each tear drop meandered its way along the contours of her nose, resting briefly on the edge of her chin as it plunged to death into her crimson blouse.

Just where did she go wrong? Was it something she said, did perhaps? Why did things take such a devastating twist? Why her of all people? The much she knew was that among all her girlfriends she was the most faithful to her man, yet she was the one hurting now. Maybe being faithful wasn’t a virtue worth any amount of reciprocation. Maybe being so damn faithful gave men a green card to override and derail a woman’s emotions.

They say love is amazing, supposedly; what they fail to state is that it’s devastatingly amazing to a point it clouds your judgement. Terrible stuff happens but love makes you turn a blind eye to all that! You have a choice to see through the lies but your heart tells you to be calm and love unconditionally while the brain is tries to sledge hammer you to your senses.

Good work heart, very good work thank you!

Yet here she was, broken and in anguish, something she could have prevented. She had seen all paths and tributaries ultimately leading to this huge rivulet of tears she was now drowning in but she had nothing done.

I don’t know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too.

Unknown

Well, not nothing entirely, she had loved him unconditionally hoping that the tributaries would divert to a beautiful fountain resplendent in the entire spectrum of their love rainbow, rising to the highest point, kissing the shy blue skies and radiating everything in its wake. Cupid would have been proud.

Ef cupid, she cursed. Ef him and his damned love arrows.

What was she going to do next? She wondered! Slam head on to an oncoming train? Jump from the top of the highest building? Slice her wrists? Cry herself to death? Live?

Live? How would she ever live again, be alive again. Literally she was just a bundle of walking flesh with a dead soul. Would life ever be the same again? Would she ever smile again? No, hardly; ultimately she will just turn into an emotionless pillar of salt whose only purpose in the Milky Way would be to catch bird poop.

Not a bad way to live, she mused.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

Neil Gaiman

She had her whole life in front of her. Would committing suicide alter the equilibrium of life? Will life in its entity feel a part of it fade away with her demise, like a missing piece in a puzzle? What of him? She spat and cried some more; he who had broken, nay, shredded her heart into millions of pieces, he who she now referred to or thought of with uttermost contempt.

Would his life be any different, better perhaps? Ha, she grunted; for all she knew he was probably in bed with some random woman. I mean, he had the looks and the charm. This made her cry more and feel weaker, useless and abused as she tried hard to fight of the vehement deluges of her tears.

No, she argued. There was no point in being alive if it meant having someone ruin her life in this manner. It made her feel like a dishcloth, used and completely wrung out of all emotions and tendency to ever love again.

Damn, the entire world knew that they were an item headed to a possibly serendipitous and lively marital bliss, an object of envy for many a couple.

How would she answer queries on why they weren’t together? How would she wade off the looks laden in sympathetic sentiments? Would she tell the world that he had cheated on her? That he had walked right into her home and uttered the killer words, ‘Listen, I don’t love you anymore’ and walked out without even looking back?

No, not her. She wouldn’t let the world ridicule her. She will not be that commodious as to walk around with a faux smile while every inch of her was dying inside her, wanting people to believe that she was strong. Not her………..

She won’t!

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