Marriage; Our last best chance of growing up :)

Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet, a happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset- Ann Landers

Sunsets are gorgeous; we all love them, right? Writers especially (si you know of that phrase ‘ride away into the sunset to write my memoirs’) find inspiration from them and there is nothing more splendid than having coffee and chocolate brownies watching the sunset as you piece together a story or an article; gives you a feeling of being on top of the world….

But hey, you really are on top of the world if you are doing this at the strikingly breathtaking view of Loisaba Wilderness or Serena Mara…

This piece is really not about sunsets and Loisaba though i would very much love it to be, that’s a topic for another day.

If there is something that completes a human being it must be marriage, as someone so aptly puts it it’s is our last best chance of growing up.

Marriage is the invisible line which separates one from the carefree, single life of reckless abandon and one that calls for more responsibility, commitment and accountability. A life that transforms one from a mere Kijana and boy next door to ‘mzee’. People who pass by your crib ask your wife whether ‘mzee’ is around and this really makes one proud.

There is a ring of respect to it!

It gives you something to live for, becomes the reason you wanna be home early watching the news at nineteen oh oh hours. Also becomes the trending reason/excuse for not hanging out with the boys after work. You tell them, much to their chagrin that hanging out is the hallmark of worn out souls who are not in connection with the true purpose of life.

But don’t go too hard on the boys; they will always have your back when you need them!

Marriage changes you completely. There is that tranquility that it tags along which gives you a different perspective about life; that innate knowledge that life is no longer about being a care free cowboy riding stallions in the Wild West and never having a place you can proudly call home. It’s actually about coming home every night to fresh smelling bed sheets sprinkled with Jasmine flowers, colored dim lights, the queen looking splendid in pink lingerie, oh and Victoria has another secret……(focus, Abuamirah, focus!).

And there is nothing that says home more than a beautiful, compassionate, understanding wife who welcomes you with a smile and a hug even after the kawaida jabs and upper cuts life deals you out there; it’s her smile that makes the fight worth it.

“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true froend in his wife.”- Franz Schubert

I have seen all my uncles have very successful marriages which have lasted decades and i remember always asking myself how they have managed to stick together for such a long time. I was under the conviction that perhaps there was a special ‘ingredient’ which made a marriage that beautiful.

Truth is, there is nothing special that’s added to a marriage to make it work, just two souls willing to compromise for the sake of the relationship, the institution.

In marriage, both partners have to mow down their egos and find a common level of understanding, a point where they can always ‘meet’ and iron eish out in cases of normal marital dispute.

This level has to be there for a marriage to work. It’s built on a strong friendship that goes beyond the love between couples; comes in handy when the husband-wife thing doesn’t seem to work and you put your heads together as best friends to sort it out.

So it goes without saying that a couple has to be best friends too.

This is what keeps the marriage going such that even if it’s on the verge of divorce there is still that friendship link which tends to mask the turbulence of dispute, especially from the kids who should not at any time see their parents fighting.

Above all, marriage needs a mature, considerate perception which borders on restraint. Someone once told me that it can drive one up the wall to a point you just want to strangle your partner, then you realize that you will miss them coz they are the only ones who can tolerate your crap. The thought cools you down!

And what is more gorgeous than a man who cooks (men, not daily, just once in a while) for his woman however much he might suck at it (case study: Yours truly, i always end up burning the onions); it’s the thought that counts you know. And love is when the woman swallows the pathetically prepared food without making nasty faces (honey, i pretended i did not see that face last night at dinner), she saves that for later when the man is hunched at the sink doing the dishes!


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