There was a certain point in my life that my wooing skills were negative four like the weather in Moscow, as in my game was totally off. Ok, not that there has been much improvement but since am married now it, in the very least indicates a huge leap of faith.
I had ideas mostly adapted from Cosmo magazine on how to approach the female species but implementation was a problem, it always hit a snag; like how you see a dog running after something only to be forcefully pulled back when the leash is fully stretched. Maintaining eye contact with a girl was also a terribly hard thing to do, but i would stare at her with compound eyes once she turned away!
Like it would take me a fortnight to put together the first few lines i would use if i needed to talk to a particular girl. According to my plan, the conversation was supposed to take long and i would take my time to make her smile and laugh and blush and be all like aaaawwwww!!!!
The results, reality-wise were devastating, i would blubber through the prepared lines in a matter of seconds and the wooee (girl to be wooed) would be left tongue tied wondering what i had just said. To add salt to injury she could roll her eyes and say, excuse me, come again! At that point strength to ‘come again’ would depart and i would be tapping on the ground hoping the earth would swallow me.
Nelly my brother on the other hand was smooth. He had his way with the ladies to a point he never had to introduce himself coz, well, he was kind of famous. He did what famous people do and that’s exactly what attracted the girls.
For instance, he played rugby and was the captain of his high school team; opponents feared his burly physique which really made him out to be a monster while in real sense he was a kind hearted guy. Girls love a man who plays rugby and is willing to get dirty for the sake of team and honor and eish……and flashes muscular thighs blah blah blah.
He was the deputy head boy as well. With this in mind you now know he is big and muscular, yes!
With him, ladies turned their heads if he happened to walk by. Not that he was dressed all fancy with a jacket made from dollar bills, no; he just has this aura that women love- a disarming smile, an i- don’t- give-a- hoot attitude and of course a demeanour that seemed to say, you mess with my girl i mess you up pretty bad.
And i mean, all women want security, right? Like someone they can be with and freely sucker punch their exes, then quickly duck behind their protective backs and watch as the ex is turned into a human punching bag.
With me i will be utterly honest with you; i have never been a head turner, unless i banged my face on a metal postand a lady turns her head to check what’s going on. Or i fall into a man hole or fart in public…the last one is a sure head turner!
My only forte was my words. A lady could ignore me but once i get into scribe mode, dropping some poetic lines like they was some hot potatoes a lady turns and she is like, wah, this dude has skills!
So today i choose to celebrate my bro, he is three years my junior Baethewei and he always had my back when i couldn’t even throw back a punch to save my skin. Or when i got too freaking wasted during the earlier days of youth when life was all about ‘happening’ and he would carry me home…..
I raise my glass (of milk) to Nelly, my only brother and best friend. May he live to be wealthy and healthy and the best bro ever!