Yesterday i read a post by a sister here and her description of the struggles her mum went through for her to be what she is, a Doctor, moved my heart forth to a melt.
It brought memories of mum, it was her fifteenth anniversary on Valentine’s this year and every year on mother’s day i keep thinking of what i could have given her as a present if she was around. Would i get her flowers, a box of chocolate? A dress perhaps?
Would these petty gifts even be adequate to express my love for her if she were alive today? Would it even be fair to have a single day, just one day in a whole year to celebrate a mother, yet every breathe we take wa?
Today, third day of this challenge i decided to write a letter to Waithera my mother:
I know you will not read this. Not because you don’t want to but rather because this is the way it has to be. You departed to a world which we will all come to someday so am just writing this because i miss you very much and i now know that nobody can ever take the place of a mother.
Mum, i have grown. Am a big man now and i rock a beard, can you believe that? I guess the last time you saw me fifteen years ago my face was as smooth as a baby’s bum. Now I’m all grown up. I got married Baethewei, am pretty sure you would have loved your daughter in law, she is such a darling and she is taking good care of me.
Mum, i know you did your best to make me the man i am today, for that i will forever be grateful. You were the only one who understood my dream of being a writer someday, nobody else did; in fact after you left us i was pushed into studying something i did not like. I wished you were around to tell them that your son wants to be a writer, nobody listened to me!
My wife already knows everything about you and she proudly calls me your son, the son of Waithera. You would not imagine how elated i feel when she calls me that. I pray that one day Allah will give us a daughter whom i will name after you. I pray she becomes as strong and resilient as you, mum. I pray she also gets your dimples and lovely cheekbones.
I remember so much about you, mum, so much. The sacrifices and trouble you had to go through to put us through school and everything. I remember when i was sitting my KCSE, you were jobless and broke, terribly broke. You could not afford to send me a fancy success card, so you bought one, a tiny one which cost only five shillings. In fact, the postage even cost more than the card itself and i cherished it than i did others.
Then you scribbled motherly love on it and i swear to God i worked myself off to ace the exams just for you, mum, just for you. I did not want people to point a finger at you and say that your boy didn’t turn out right even after the sacrifices you made for him, i could not bear anyone doing that to you. You left us just a month before the results were out!
As you can imagine, your departure hit Nelly and i terribly hard. We were just two young boys against the entire world. We missed your advice, your encouragement, your assurance that even if the night was long daybreak would finally come. Life was devastatingly hard without you mum, Nelly almost dropped out of school.
I remember one day when you came to visit me in high school. You were sick, your legs were all swollen. You didn’t even have money for hospital, but despite all odds you made me some delicious chicken stew and put a smile on my face in spite of all the pain you were going through. You did it coz you loved me to bits, and i swear to God i loved you the same way, even when people talked ill of you.
You taught me an important lesson mum, you taught me to always put God before everything and never to argue with people who were only concerned with trivial matters. You taught me to be myself, to follow my dream, to be respectful to everyone. Above all, you taught me to love and smile regardless of the pain i may be going through.
I miss you now, i miss you every day. It’s been fifteen years now but still feels like yesterday when we heaped piles of dirt on your coffin. I almost told them to stop but i thought it was nasty dream that i would awake from and find you there, alive and well.
If ever there was a way to get back the people we have lost i would ransom the whole world just to embrace you, be in your arms where in spite of my age i would still be a baby, your baby. I would give everything i have just to kneel down and kiss your feet, put my head on your loving shoulder and tell you just how difficult it is making it through life without a mother…..
Missing you to bits 😉
Today i nominate Diana for the challenge. Dee, the baton is yours!