It’s ridiculous how at times we think we know something only for it to backfire and make a fool out of us. In such instances we are left wondering what the hell happened because far as the issue was concerned we knew all there was to know.
Love may probably be the most famous four letter word which most people think they know all about until things go south and the aftermath puts them in a position that they just want to commit suicide. Nothing else in the world matters any more once love goes sore, nothing.
You spend your days in grief and you know deep down in your broken heart that you should probably be doing something to get over the heartbreak but you don’t. You just want to sulk and blame- blame yourself, time, life and everything else you think contributed to your current predicament.
There will be times you will stare at couples walking hand in hand, smiling and all in love and wonder why you have to be the one that suffers a heart break. You question yourself why you ever fell in love in the first place, why you are not the one holding your lover’s hand. The only thing in your hand at that moment is a piece of your broken heart you savaged from the ruins- a picture of her.
If someone you love hurts you cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
But everything was running so smoothly. Your love life was invincible. The only thing you forgot was that it could have invincible from external enemies and not internal- the very person who held your heart with the promise of loving and cherishing it grabbed and smashed it against the wall. Sarcastically you think to yourself that there is an empty space where your heart was and its pieces are strewn on the carpet-the place they fell like shards of glass when the unspeakable happened.
You never thought a heart could be that brittle. Not until yours broke and you saw the pieces falling down one by one like leaves. Not until she walked out on you and left you there- speechless, angry, confused. If there ever was a human scarecrow, it must have been you at that very moment- complete with a tattered hat (heart).
That’s when you remember a friend of yours sometime back who was in the same predicament. You could not, as much as you tried, fathom why he retreated to a dark hole where he just wanted to be on his own. You had marvelled at him, shaking your head in amazement at how stupid he seemed. I mean, why would anyone act that way just because of a heart break?
Get a hold of yourself man, you had wheedled him. Live your life, time heals all wounds. He just looked at you and shook his head. He had wanted to tell you how time no longer matters when love goes south, when you had put all your eggs in the basket that someone just smashes against the wall. He would have told you how ‘hurt’ feels like, but no words would have sufficed. His resigned look as he shook his head was the message between the lines that you did not see.
On numerous occasions love had taken you very high; so high you felt like an eagle soaring above everything. Most times you just found yourself smiling or even giggling every time you recalled the sweet things she used to do; like dancing in the rain, singing along to songs as if she was the one who had composed them. The pretty smile spread across her face and a murmured thank you in your ear when you bought her chocolate.
Ha, and the disgusted look she gave you when you bought her a dog on her birthday. You thought she would love the puppy- girls love puppies, right? She said she did, only from a distance, and you had to give it away and get her a stuffed teddy bear which she always cuddled when she fell asleep on the sofa. You loved the way she twirled its ears while watching her favourite soap opera!
And now after taking you so high and giving you doses of love which were stronger than the hardest drug, she had left you. Just like that. She left you with a hangover that even time and Aspirin could not heal. You look around you and wonder where to begin because at that very moment your world seems rather constricted.
“Once you had put the pieces back together, even though you may look intact, you were never quite the same as you’d been before the fall.”
― Jodi Picoult