Marriage is the union of two completely insane individuals who share the same brand of insanity, joined together in an insane ‘luna-trimony’. I mean, why else would it be possible to live with the same person day in day out, month in month out, tolerating their crap and still hanging on because well, life depends on it? Both of you just have to be insane to hang on to it, which is really fabulous by the way.
An elderly friend of mine once told me that you can never truly know someone until you travel, eat or live with them. During these instances you get to see and know someone’s true colors; that’s why some marriages fail even after the couple has dated for years, because once you start living together that’s when you get to see your true selves.
Being the ideal husband or wife is not a quest for the faint-hearted. It takes courage, patience, determination, commitment and most of all an understanding, tolerant nature that forgives easy. It also takes time; don’t except to be the husband or wife of the year after a few months!
So, is there any recipe to becoming the world’s best husband? Everyone complains that women are difficult to understand and some men get trapped in this cliché for so long that they totally believe they can never understand their women. But if the cliché is correct that when a woman says yes they mean no, isn’t that a huge step towards understanding them already? We already know that by rule of thumb women love affection and when you find them sulking all they need is a tight hug to get them ‘chatterboxing’ again….that is if you are not the cause of their sulking! If this is the case, how many arguments can be avoided just by being attentive and affectionate?
This may not even come close to fully understanding women. It’s just a scratch on the surface but still a good place to start.
So marriage is great in spite of its numerous ups and downs. There are however things we husband go through that make it tasty and extra crispy. It adds the ketchup in it inasmuch as they put us on the verge of exploding in anger or downloading a few slaps on her pretty face. Once a man masters how to deal with this, he is on his way to becoming an award winning husband.
- Sniff sniff.
As a married man never come home smelling differently. Say like you take a shower after a daytime work out and try out a new deodorant that your pal says is the bomb. You get home and Mrs is all over you sniffing (women have a state of the art sense of smell) and asking you why you smell different. The first thing that always comes to a woman’s mind is that you are cheating on her and the new smell was your way of washing away your sins.
In such situations where you know your woman freaks out if you come home with a new scent (or those tiny hotel soaps in your bag) just desist from doing so. Go home with your natural scent if it makes her feel safe and secure.
- Anything you say can and MUST be used against you.
While a man’s memory closely resembles that of a Gold fish by its low capacity to recall things and events, a woman’s is like an elephant’s. She recalls stuff that is dead and buried in the archives with such astounding clarity it will baffle you. For extra clarity they can even place the event at the exact day and time it happened and what you were wearing while committing the said crime.
This ‘total recall’ is something every man will just have to contend with because we are wont to say silly things during an argument; things we do not mean to say but either way still come out in the heat of the moment.
There is a hundred and ten percent chance that this will one day be used against you in an argument, especially if you did not apologize for the silly remark. Trust me, you will still be made to apologize for it even half a decade later, and the funny thing with this is that every man swears not to remember the moment.
- Honey, do you think am beautiful?
Free tip to all married men and aspiring husbands: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, keep reminding your sweethearts that they are beautiful at least five times each day. Also swear your undying love for them every time you call or text them. Chances are that if you don’t you will find yourself on the receiving end of weird questions like ‘why has your love changed?’, ‘why don’t you appreciate me like you used to?’, ‘is there someone else coz you no longer tell me that you love me?’
Most men think it’s adequate to proclaim their love to their women once in a while but in real sense women are created to receive attention. The more time you say these sweet things the higher chance there is of making it to the husband of the year slot.
- Dish man.
For some peculiar reasons, women find a man doing the dishes really sexy and appealing, as they lay sprawled on the sofa watching some weird program like Botched. If you want to make her happy, do the dishes for her once in a while. For me I draw the line with house work on laundry. I hate doing laundry; it comes a close second in my hate list after mathematics.
- She got her eyes on you.
Every married man needs to know one thing; your woman will always have her eyes trained on you. She may not go the extent of spying on you and having hidden cameras everywhere (a scenario that should not be ruled out nonetheless)but believe you me she will have a very keen eye on you. She watches how you react to unknown phone calls at night, how you greet your female neighbors, why you only buy fruits at a particular grocery store owned by a woman and she will definitely watch the way you deal with female workmates.
Whoever said that a married woman can pass an FBI test quite easily was not wrong because if a woman sets her mind to having a keen eye on you be sure she will get on to something. The tell tale signs that she has a clue of what you are up to is those subtle questions she poses out of nowhere, desperately hoping you will lie so she can hit your dumb face with 8 GB of hard evidence.
As a man, you need to appreciate this, it’s her way of protecting what’s hers and she has every right to do so. A woman who doesn’t care which other woman you smile and laugh with simply does not care about you. So if you see your wife giving you that look every time you say good morning to that single lady living next door, the one who works PR at Safaricom and wears high heels and short skirts, know she cares. Her jealousy is a sure way of showing you that.
These are just some of the things a married man goes through and the difference between being just a married man and a husband Is the way one handles these issues. A married man will complain and probably start seeking greener pastures but a husband will stand up and fight for what he believes in.