Man Talk IV


It was the first in a long time when the boys got to hang out together; the Shaka Gang, they used to call themselves. That was back when they had just cleared campus.

And they had a penchant for planting their spears anywhere, if you know what I mean!

The Shaka Gang!

Paul, studied Engineering and followed his dream which led him to becoming the most sought after Engineering consultant in the city. Married with two kids.

Jamoh aka Tarzan Boy. Studied Mass Com and works for a well known Ad firm as a copy writer. Son to one of the few Oncologists in the country who really wanted his son to follow suit in the medical profession but Tarzan boy was too much of a creative play boy to be restricted to a hospital.

He however was fit to be restricted in a Psychiatric ward; but then again, it was his mad creative skills which put genuine Italian leather shoes in his rack! He is still searching for a damsel to fit his particular brand of insanity.

Odhis, a lawyer by profession who is currently ‘between jobs’, lost the last one after a scandal with Vivian, the secretary who, unbeknownst to him, also happened to be his employer’s side dish. He served him a cold one and Odhis is literally out in the cold; plans to get married once he is through with his Masters.

Sammy, the only sober chap in the gang. A marketing exec at a communication firm, he was the only guy who maintained a semblance of religion, attending Church at least four or five times a year. Always played the part of designated driver when the rest were too wasted to even tell the steering wheel from a Bicycle tyre. Married, three kids with another on the way.

Robert, aka Nesta. A philosophy graduate who pursued his writing hobby and is now a published author with two poetry books to show for his struggles. Just about to get married to the daughter of a pastor. He is an atheist though, believes that God is just a myth.

“Oh I had missed this so much!” Odhis said. “How long has it been since we went out bowling together?”

“A decade!” Sammy answered. “And only seems like yesterday.”

“I know,” Robert said. “The years have flown by so terribly fast.”

“By the way Odhis,” Sammy asked. “How did the job interview go?”

“Not bad,” he answered. “Am hopeful, I just might nail it and perhaps even make Partner one day.”

“Sure, just don’t go around nailing the boss’s side dish again!” Sammy cautioned.

Haina noma, point taken” Odhis said, “I will be back on my feet; you know me, I bounce back faster than a Tennis ball!”

“Is Bob’s place still running?” Robert asked.

“Of course,” Odhis answered. “We should swing by for some roast ribs, best in the city!”

“Feels great to finally hang out together,” Sammy offered. “Free from our women for a moment at least.”

“Talking of women,” Paul said. “You guys have to excuse me; I have to rush somewhere,”

“Where?” Odhis asked, as if Paul had just uttered the most ludicrous thing. “This is our day and we are going to have fun and be ourselves. Come on man!”

“Sorry,” Paul explained. “What if I catch up with you guys later?”

“It’s alright bro,” Tarzan Boy, who had remained silent all along said. “Just halla at me later, I got your back,” he nodded at Paul who saluted and left.

“What’s with him?” Odhis asked.

“Never mind,” Jamoh said. “Issues za life tu.”

“Is he in trouble?” Sammy asked.

“You could say so,” Jamoh offered, nonchalantly, his gaze resting on a catchy slogan in a billboard; probably one of his genius ideas.

“Damn, what happened?”

“Nothing major,” Jamoh said. “He is a tough guy, am pretty sure he will survive.”

“Survive?” Nesta asked. “Sounds like our boy is in major eish.”

“He is,” Jamoh said. “But who isn’t? eish was meant for men because we know how to take care of it!”

“He doesn’t seem to be taking it well,” Sammy said. “I am no shrink but I think Paul is undergoing a patch so rough the Chalbi desert fades in comparison.”

“Come on Tarzan Boy,” Odhis chided. “What’s happening to our boy? Tell us something.”

“Aah, just women stuff,” Jamoh said.

“How many women?” Odhis asked.

“Just one,” Jamoh said, raising his index finger, “but she is driving him nuts.”

“Betsy?” Sammy asked.

“Yes, Betsy,” Jamoh agreed. “He will be fine. Can we get to Bob’s already, am starving!”

“No, wait,” Odhis held him by the shoulder, pulling Sammy and Robert closer. “If our boy is in trouble we need to know, bro. We are brothers for Pete’s sake!”

“Odhis is right,” Robert said. “We can’t let just stay here pretending all Is well while our friend is suffering,”

“Right,” agreed Sammy. “Tarzan, what’s the situation?”

“Oh, come on guys,” he pleaded. “I promised him that I would not tell a soul!”

“But,” Odhis said in a whisper. “We are not just any souls. We are soul brothers, right fellas?”

“Of course,” the rest nodded.

“It does not feel right breaking a promise I made to my boy,” Tazan Boy pleaded.

“James,” Odhis injected a sense of authority. “We want to help and whatever you say will stay between us and no one utters a word even if someone has a wrench on your balls, sawa guys?”

Sawa,” they agreed.

“Ok, fine, “ Jamoh sighed. “Ya’ll look like a bunch of high school girls listening on some hot gossip. But sawa, I will tell you guys but promise not to mention it to him.”

“We promise!” they said in unison.

“Okay, here is the thing. You all know that Paul and Betsy have two kids, right?”

They nodded.

“Well, turns out they are not his!”

Silence.

Jamoh tilted his head, eyes wide open, not certain whether the gang had heard him fine.

“Come again!” Odhis said.

“He is not the father to the kids,”

“How is that even possible? I was with him and Betsy when she delivered!” Sammy said.

“So that passes as proof of him being the father, Sammy. Seriously?” Odhis asked.

“No, I mean, they were both genuinely happy about the bundle of joy!” Sammy explained.

“Jamoh, ebu explain this to me like I am a five year old,” Odhis requested.

“The kids belong to two other men,” Jamoh explained. “And those two men are claiming what is theirs, which includes the vessel that brought forth the kids!”

“Two men?” Robert asked in shock. “As in Paul’s wife had two kids by two other men while she was still married to him?”

Jamoh nodded.

“That’s totally effed up!” Odhis shouted. “That woman is such a slut!”

“Eeh, that is a bombshell,” Sammy said. “Kwani Paul has a problem? How can a woman sire two kids from different men while he is functioning right?”

“Maybe his nuts are fried,” Robert pointed out.

“Go to hell, Nesta!” Jamoh hit him on the head.

“Am just saying!” he defended his statement.

“So why is Paul still with her?”

“He says he loves her so much!” Jamoh said.

“Damn,” Odhis fumed. “Our boy has been bewitched. This is the work of a Mganga!”

“He was actually shifting houses today; that’s why he had to leave.” Jamoh said.

“Why?” Sammy queried.

“Because,” Jamoh sighed and scratched his head. “Hehe, I don’t even know how to say this!”

“Say it either way,” Odhis demanded.

“Because the father of the second child is his next door neighbor!”

“WHAT THE……!” Odhis.

“EISH!” Robert.

“GOOD LORD!” Sammy.

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